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title: Are Anxious People Mean People?
description: Discover how anxiety might influence your behaviour and learn strategies to manage reactions, ensuring better relationships and self-compassion. You are not your anxiety.
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 Dec 31, 2024 5:54:24 AM

# Are Anxious People Mean People?

[Lydia](https://finding-hoppiness.com/wisdom-warren/author/lydia)

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If you struggle with anxiety, you might have wondered if (or even noticed!) it makes you come across as mean. Anxiety can sometimes influence how we behave, and it’s easy to worry that our actions might be misunderstood by others. Let’s explore this topic and clear up some common misconceptions.

### Does Anxiety Make You Mean?

The short answer is no - having anxiety does not make you a mean person. However, anxiety can sometimes affect how you respond to situations, which might come across as irritability, withdrawal, defensiveness, or lashing out. These reactions are symptoms of anxiety, not necessarily reflections of your character.

### How Anxiety Can Influence Your Behaviour

When you’re feeling anxious, your mind and body are in overdrive. This can lead to behaviours that might feel out of character for you, such as:

1. **Irritability**: When anxiety is high, small frustrations might feel overwhelming, making it harder to stay patient. You might lash out at people impulsively.
2. **Avoidance**: You might avoid conversations or social interactions because you’re feeling overwhelmed, which can come across as distant or uninterested. This avoidance might also lead to indirect or passive aggression toward others.
3. **Defensiveness**: Anxiety can make you overthink or misinterpret situations, leading to defensive reactions even when no harm was intended.
4. **Jealousy:** Having anxiety is far from fun and you likely feel frustrated at the ways it impacts your life or stops you from doing things. You might look at others and feel jealous that they appear to "have it all together". You may lash out at these people. 

It’s important to recognise that these behaviours are not inherently "you" - they’re your body’s way of coping with stress.

### What to Do If You’re Worried About Coming Across as Mean

If you’ve noticed these patterns in yourself and are concerned about how they are affecting yourself and others, here are some steps you can take:

1. **Pause and Reflect**: When you notice yourself reacting strongly, take a moment to breathe and reflect on what’s triggering your response. This can help you respond more thoughtfully. [Take a look at the 90 second rule and why it works.](https://finding-hoppiness.com/wisdom-warren/the-90-second-rule-your-new-superpower)
2. **Communicate Openly**: Let the people around you know about your anxiety. Sharing how you’re feeling and, importantly, how this might show up for you, can help them understand your reactions and offer support.
3. **Practice Self-Compassion**: Remember that struggling with anxiety doesn’t make you a bad person. Be kind to yourself as you navigate these challenges.

### How to Manage Anxiety-Driven Reactions

Managing anxiety can help reduce the likelihood of behaviours you’re worried about. Here are some strategies:

- **Identify Triggers**: Pay attention to the situations that heighten your anxiety and try to prepare for or avoid them when possible. To help you with this, [check out our worksheet.](https://finding-hoppiness.com/hubfs/Managing%20Overwhelm%20-%20Identifying%20Triggers%20-%20Finding%20Hoppiness.pdf)
- **Use Grounding Techniques**: Practices like [deep breathing](https://finding-hoppiness.com/i-feel-anxious), mindfulness, or progressive muscle relaxation can help you regain control when anxiety spikes.
- **Seek Professional Help**: Therapy, especially Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT), can help you develop tools to [manage anxiety](https://finding-hoppiness.com/i-feel-anxious) and improve communication.

### Remember: You Are Not Your Anxiety

It’s easy to be hard on yourself when anxiety affects how you interact with others. But it’s important to separate who you are as a person from your symptoms of anxiety. You’re not mean - you’re dealing with a challenging mental health condition, and that takes strength.

If you’re worried about how your anxiety impacts your relationships, know that you’re not alone. By understanding how anxiety influences your behaviour and taking steps to manage it, you can improve not only your own wellbeing but also your connections with others. Give yourself credit for the effort you’re putting in - even just by being here and reading this - it’s a sign of growth and resilience!

 

References

- Anxiety and Depression Association of America, 
    - https://adaa.org/understanding-anxiety
- National Institute of Mental Health 
    - [https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders](https://www.nimh.nih.gov/health/topics/anxiety-disorders)
- American Psychological Association 
    - [https://www.apa.org/topics/anxiety](https://www.apa.org/topics/anxiety)
- Mayo Clinic 
    - [https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety/symptoms-causes/](https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/anxiety/symptoms-causes/)
- Psych Central 
    - https://psychcentral.com/lib/anxiety-and-relationships

[Anxious](https://finding-hoppiness.com/wisdom-warren/tag/anxious), [Overwhelmed](https://finding-hoppiness.com/wisdom-warren/tag/overwhelmed), [Jealous](https://finding-hoppiness.com/wisdom-warren/tag/jealous), [Burnt Out](https://finding-hoppiness.com/wisdom-warren/tag/burnt-out)

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