The other day, I was chatting with a friend over coffee, and she mentioned feeling this weird tension with a colleague. At first, she couldn't quite put her finger on it, but (knowing this situation all too well) I helped her realise: the colleague was jealous of her.
It got me thinking about just how often we encounter jealousy from others and how tricky it can be to navigate. Often, when we're prone to insecurity, we take their behaviour as a reflection of our own inadequacies... which is not true at all. In fact, it's usually the opposite.
Jealousy isn't always glaringly obvious. Sometimes, it sneaks in through subtle comments or actions. Eventually they can wear you down and crush your confidence, especially if you're not aware of what's going on until it's been happening for a while.
Here are a few signs that someone might be harboring jealousy towards you:
Backhanded Compliments – Ever received praise that felt more like a jab? Something like, "Congratulations on your promotion! Were there any other applications?" It's a compliment wrapped in an insult.
Downplaying Achievements – When you share good news, and the response is lukewarm or dismissive (sometimes even a bit too enthusiastic and lined with fakeness), it might be jealousy rearing its head. They might say, "Oh, that's nice," and quickly change the subject.
Imitation – They start copying your style, ideas, or even mannerisms. While imitation can be flattering, in this context, it stems from a desire to compete or diminish your uniqueness.
Excessive Criticism – Nitpicking at your decisions, criticising you behind your back to colleagues (we always find out!), or offering unsolicited advice can be a way for them to feel superior or undermine you and your confidence.
Celebrating Your Missteps – If they seem a tad too happy when things don't go your way, that's a glaring red flag.
They Crave Attention... and Sabotage You to Get It – Some jealous people want to be the center of attention at all times. When you're the one in the spotlight - whether because of an achievement, personal growth, or just positive energy - they feel threatened. Instead of celebrating you, they might try to steal the moment or even sabotage you through gossip, passive-aggressive comments, or withholding support. They can't stand not being the star of the show.
On a similar note, I've had experiences where I have been struggling with my mental health and asked for support (rightly so!). Knowing them well, the jealous person usually used this as their go-to attention grab. It quickly became clear that, instead of also supporting me, they felt the helping hands should have been directed at them instead and did everything they could to subtly undermine my experience.
Dealing with someone's jealousy can be challenging, and sometimes the best way forward is to remove them from your life. If you're unable to take a step that big (if, for example, it means quitting a job), here are some other strategies that might help:
Open Dialogue – If the relationship matters to you, consider having an honest conversation. Use "I" statements to express how their behaviour affects you, like, "I feel hurt and unsupported when my achievements are downplayed." This approach focuses on your feelings rather than accusing them, which can lead to a more productive discussion.
Set Boundaries – It's essential to protect your mental space. I really cannot emphasise that enough. If certain topics trigger negative reactions, it's okay to steer clear of them in conversations.
Limit Interaction – Sometimes, distancing yourself is the healthiest option. If you can't cut them out completely, limit your interactions and surround yourself with supportive people who celebrate your successes.
Stay Grounded – Remember, their jealousy is more about their insecurities than your actions. Keep doing your thing, advocate for yourself, and don't let their negativity dim your shine!
In some cases, jealousy goes beyond passive-aggressive behaviour and crosses into workplace bullying. When someone consistently undermines your work, spreads harmful rumors, or actively tries to isolate you from colleagues, it’s no longer just jealousy - it’s harassment. According to the Workplace Bullying Institute, bullying can include threats, humiliation, and efforts to sabotage someone’s career. If you find yourself in this horrible situation, here’s what you can do:
Document Everything – Keep a record of incidents, including dates, times, and details of what was said or done. This documentation can be invaluable if you're unable to resolve it with the person and need to escalate the issue. Without this evidence, your claims are unfortunately just heresay.
Seek Support – Talk to a trusted colleague, mentor, or supervisor. Sometimes, having an ally can make a world of difference. Feeling lonely and isolated in the workplace can contribute to feelings of depression.
Know Your Rights – You workplacee should have policies against bullying and harassment... Even if they don't actively enforce them. Familiarise yourself with company policies and, if necessary, report the behaviour to HR. It is important to be able to back up your claims with evidence if you report it!
Maintain Professionalism – As difficult as it may be (trust me, I get it!), try not to engage in their negativity. Focus on your work and keep interactions professional.
Consider External Help – If the situation escalates and your workplace isn’t taking action, seeking legal advice or looking for a new job might be necessary for your well-being.
Reporting bullying at work can be difficult, especially if its a person you believed to be your friend, or if you work closely together. It might create further tension, and sadly it's often the person being bullied that ends up having to make changes, rather than the bully. Make sure you're aware of the possible outcomes before making any decisions.
As highlighted in an article from Verywell Mind, jealous people might also "disengage with you" or "exclude you," especially when you're experiencing something positive. Recognising these patterns can help you understand the root of their behaviour. Jealousy often stems from personal insecurities. According to psychologist Dr. Patrice Le Goy, such behaviours "may indicate underlying feelings of inadequacy." It's a reminder that the issue lies within the jealous individual, not with you.
Encountering jealousy from others is an unfortunate and hurtful part of life. But, by recognising the signs and responding with empathy and assertiveness, you can maintain your well-being and continue to thrive.
Remember, it's not about dimming your light, but about managing your reaction to the shadows that others cast.