Have you ever felt overwhelmed by an emotion, like anger, sadness, or anxiety, that seemed to linger on and on? What if we told you that the physiological lifespan of an emotion is just 90 seconds? This idea, known as the 90-second rule, offers an empowering perspective on managing our emotional reactions.
The 90-second rule might be new to you (and recently, to me too!), but it was popularised by neuroscientist Dr. Jill Bolte Taylor back in 2008 after she did a TED Talk about it. According to her research, when we experience an emotion, the chemical process that creates the physical response - such as a racing heart or flushed cheeks - lasts only about 90 seconds. After that, the emotion dissipates unless we continue to feed it with our thoughts.
While the physiological response is short-lived, our minds can often extend the experience much longer to hours, days, or even weeks.
Ruminating: When we replay the situation over and over in our minds, it’s like pouring fuel on a fire. Instead of letting the emotion naturally subside, we keep it alive by imagining worst-case scenarios, dwelling on “what if” thoughts, or trying to analyze every detail of what happened. This mental loop can trap us in the emotional state far beyond its natural duration.
Judging the Emotion: Often, we add layers of distress by criticizing ourselves for feeling a certain way. For instance, you might think, “Why am I still upset about this? I should be over it by now.” This judgement not only prolongs the emotion but also adds guilt or shame into the mix, making it even heavier and harder to shake off.
Identifying with the Emotion: Instead of seeing emotions as temporary states, we sometimes let them define who we are as people. For example, rather than thinking, “I’m feeling anxious right now,” we might think, “I’m an anxious person.” This identification is extremely common but makes it harder to separate ourselves from the emotion, allowing it to linger and influence our mood and behaviour more deeply than it should.
The 90-second rule can help you create space between your emotional reaction and your response. Here’s how you can use it:
Notice the Emotion: Pause and acknowledge what you’re feeling. Name the emotion: “I feel anger” or “I feel anxious.”
Ride the Wave: Allow the emotion to run its natural course. Now is a great time to focus on your breathing - both to calm you and distract you from your unpleasant thoughts and feelings. For these 90 seconds, visualize it like a wave - it rises, peaks, and then falls.
Refrain from Feeding It: Avoid dwelling on the trigger or adding negative thoughts. Focus on your breath or another grounding technique instead.
By understanding and applying the 90-second rule, you can regain control and recognize that you’re not at the mercy of your emotions. Your relationships may also improve as you will be able to better respond thoughtfully instead of impulsively.
When you practice applying this regularly, over time you will build confidence in your ability to navigate intense feelings.
The 90-second rule isn’t about suppressing emotions - it’s about understanding them and giving yourself permission to let them pass. Like any skill, it takes practice to master. Start small by noticing your emotions and gently reminding yourself of their short lifespan.
Emotions are an essential part of being human, and they provide valuable information about our experiences. The 90-second rule helps us approach them with curiosity and compassion, empowering us to respond with clarity and intention. So, the next time you feel an intense wave of emotion, remember: you can handle it - just give it 90 seconds.