CBT Secrets: Why It Isn't Working For You

Have you ever been in one of those moments where everyone around you is raving about something, and you’re just sitting there thinking, “Why doesn’t this work for me?” That’s exactly how I felt about Cognitive Behavioral Therapy - CBT for short.

Don’t get me wrong, CBT has this glowing reputation. Therapists recommend it left and right, and studies tout its effectiveness for anxiety, depression, even insomnia. According to the American Psychological Association, CBT has decades of research behind it showing that it’s a gold standard for mental health treatment. And that's true for millions of people worldwide. But it doesn’t work for everyone.

When I first started CBT, I was all in. Journaling my thoughts? Sure. Identifying cognitive distortions? Let’s do this. My counsellor handed me worksheets, and I diligently filled them out, trying to rewire my brain one thought at a time. The problem was… it didn’t stick. I’d leave counselling feeling hopeful, only to get derailed by the same overwhelming emotions a few hours later. I started wondering, “Am I doing this wrong?”

Turns out, it wasn’t just me. Dr. Steven Hayes, the psychologist behind Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT), has talked about how CBT can sometimes get too focused on fighting thoughts. You know, that whole “let’s argue with our brain” approach? For some of us, it’s exhausting. Instead of helping, it can feel like we’re stuck in a debate with ourselves... and losing. I ended up getting so stuck in my head that I'd go around in circles, trying to intellectualise why I felt the way I did.

Another reason CBT doesn’t always hit the mark is that it’s very structured. That’s great for some people, but for others, the way we experience life isn’t neat and tidy. Imagine trying to use a script for a chaotic improv show - it’s not going to work. A study in Psychotherapy Research found that while CBT is effective for lots of people, other people who have complex trauma or deeply ingrained emotional patterns may need a more flexible or emotion-focused approach. It’s not about “correcting” thoughts but rather processing what’s underneath them.

And then there’s the cultural aspect. CBT has roots in Western, individualistic ideals - think independence, self-reliance, and “fixing” yourself. Almost bordering on that "hustle culture" we have these days. But not everyone’s world operates that way. In many cultures, healing is relational; it’s about community and shared understanding. CBT’s focus on the individual can feel isolating, like you’re carrying the whole burden alone. That doesn’t resonate for everyone.

Honestly, the most humbling thing I’ve learned is that therapy, any therapy, is not a one-size-fits-all deal. CBT is a tool, not a universal solution. And sometimes, you need to try a different tool. For me, that meant exploring other approaches like somatic therapy and Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT). Instead of focusing on changing my thoughts, I started learning how to sit with them - to let them come and go without letting them run the show.

Here’s what I want to say to anyone feeling frustrated: it’s okay if CBT isn’t your thing. But before you give up on it completely, it’s worth remembering that CBT isn’t a quick fix. It takes time, sometimes a lot of it, to see real changes. Just like building a muscle at the gym, rewiring your brain through CBT requires consistent effort. Those worksheets and exercises might feel repetitive or even tedious at first, but over time, they can start to reshape the way you think and respond to challenges. It doesn’t mean you’re broken or hopeless, it just means you’re human. Dr. Judith Beck, who’s a leading figure in CBT, has even said that therapy needs to meet people where they are. And sometimes, where you are isn’t a good fit for CBT.

Therapy is a journey, not a checklist. CBT might be one stop along the way, or it might not be on your route at all and that’s okay. Keep exploring, keep asking questions, and most importantly, keep showing up for yourself. The right path for you is out there, and you’ll find it.

I’m rooting for you.