This Toxic Side of Social Media Is Keeping You Stuck in Depression & Anxiety

Lately, I’ve been seeing a lot of comments on social media about depression and mental health. One topic that comes up often is these little acts of self-care that people are quick to jump on and dismiss, like exercise or scrolling on social media less.

People are often quick to say, “I literally can’t... I have depression... That's the whole point.” While I understand (no, really, I do) how hard it can be to find the motivation when you’re in a dark place, if we take responsibility for ourselves, and put in this work consistently, it might just make a difference. Many people dismiss it before even trying, resigning themselves to their depression.

Reflecting on Past Struggles

Back when I was in school, I felt the same way. It was during that dark time of Tumblr (yikes), where I found myself wallowing and seeking out relatable posts that validated my feelings of hopelessness. I thought it was absurd to expect people like me to exercise or go to therapy. How could anything or anyone possibly fix me? I was broken, and that was that. It was chemical. I felt the same way about my anxiety. The idea of taking any proactive steps seemed pointless - what a waste of time when I knew it wouldn't work? I had resigned myself to the belief that nothing would ever change.

For a long time, I thought these things were asking too much. After all, how could small actions like exercising, journaling, or even going to therapy ever compete with the overwhelming weight of depression? But as I’ve learned (over YEARS, I might add), these habits build resilience and create a foundation for better mental health, even if the results aren’t immediate.

The Barrier of Low Self-Worth

It's important to acknowledge that low self-worth, a common experience with depression, can create a barrier to even the smallest acts of self-care. Depression often makes you feel useless, like no matter what you try, you’ll fail. The inner voice tells you that you’re not capable, that you don’t deserve help, and that nothing will ever get better. These thoughts are powerful, and they can stop you from even attempting self-care. It's easy to believe that no action, no matter how small, could make a difference when you're trapped in a cycle of self-doubt.

Starting Small (Like, Really Small)

Overcoming this requires starting with small, manageable tasks. Literally, small things like drinking a glass of water or getting out of bed. Recognising these small wins and practising self-compassion are key. Seeking support from trusted friends, family, or a counsellor, using affirmations, and forgiving yourself on tough days can help shift your mindset, allowing you to take action over time. Healing requires consistency, and even when it feels like nothing is working, these small efforts build toward long-term improvement.

I think with these self-care acts there's the expectation that they are a cure for depression. People try these things and then when they still feel depressed, they go, "See, I told you it wouldn't work!" and then proceed to spread the good word about these terrible, ignorant practises.

The Harmful Side of Social Media

The dark side of Tumblr, especially during its peak, was notorious for sharing graphic images of self-harm and perpetuating harmful narratives around eating disorders and depression. The platform, for some, became a space where these struggles were not only validated but glamourised, with certain communities fostering a toxic environment that romanticised pain and suffering.

While the comments on Instagram today aren't as explicit or graphic, they can still be just as harmful. When people downplay effective self-care practices or encourage others to resign themselves to their depression, it creates a toxic narrative of helplessness. Dismissing small steps toward healing can reinforce feelings of powerlessness, making it harder for individuals to take action. Just like the harmful Tumblr culture, this mindset can make people feel stuck in their suffering, believing that nothing will ever help them improve. Both perpetuate the idea that there's no way out, which can be just as damaging as the images and content once shared in those online spaces.

You Have the Power

In reality, these self-care practices are tools to help manage depression. They're not instant cures. They require consistency and effort over time to make a meaningful impact. There is no such thing as a quick fix. For example, healthy amounts of exercise can release endorphins that improve your mood, even if only slightly. With consistency, over time it can help regulate your sleep and energy levels. Journaling is another small act of self-care; it allows you to process your thoughts and recognise patterns in your feelings, helping you feel less overwhelmed. Therapy, though daunting, provides a space to explore the root causes of your struggles and develop healthier coping mechanisms in a safe space.

These practices may feel insignificant or impossible at first, but each one has a compound effect that supports long-term healing.

We have to do things we don’t feel like doing all the time. What if, instead of relying solely on prescriptions or waiting for someone else to save us, we took responsibility and put in the effort to see if we'd feel even a little bit better? This isn’t about downplaying the severity of depression - like I said, I’ve been there. But it’s about recognising that healing often requires action, even when it’s the last thing you feel like doing.

My Wake-Up Call

When I first began to take responsibility for my depression, it felt like an overwhelming task - almost impossible. But looking back now, I realise that embracing responsibility for my mental health was the first step toward regaining control of my life. I realised that I didn't have a "disease", I just needed to make changes in myself and my life. Along the way, I learned some powerful lessons, one of which came through a painful chapter involving a toxic relationship.

For a long time, I blamed my depression entirely on some inherent flaw that I had within me. In my early 20s, I was in a toxic relationship and this ex was emotionally manipulative, often gaslighting me into doubting my feelings. I remember one particular argument where I tried to open up about my struggles, only to be met with, “You need help. Stop playing the victim and just sort yourself out.” Comments like that made me internalise my pain even more and fuelled my belief that my depression was solely my own failure as a person.

But here’s the hard truth I had to face: while my ex’s behaviour contributed to my struggles, the way I responded to those situations also played a role. For a long time, I allowed myself to stay in a toxic environment because it felt easier than confronting the truth. That doesn't excuse his behaviour and that’s also not to say that I’m to blame for my depression - mental health is complex, and there’s no “one cause” - but I had to admit to myself that I had the power to make choices to improve my situation.

I do just quickly want to add that sometimes, for women in abusive relationships, it's not safe or possible to "just up and leave". Situations are complex. Leaving an abusive partner can feel like an impossible choice due to emotional, financial, or even physical barriers. Fear of escalation, threats of harm, or not having a support system in place can make it incredibly difficult to break free. It's important to recognise that every situation is unique, and the process of leaving or even seeking help can be fraught with challenges. For many, it’s not just about walking out the door - it’s about finding a way to do so safely, often while navigating feelings of guilt, shame, or dependency that have been instilled by the abuser. These complexities shouldn’t be overlooked, and support from friends, family, or professionals is crucial for those going through this struggle.

The Turning Point

The turning point came after I ended that relationship. I realised I needed to take an active role in my healing. This was terrifying at first, but it also felt empowering. I started counselling, which was invaluable in helping me understand my patterns and build healthier coping mechanisms. My counsellor (shout out to Trish) taught me that responsibility isn’t about self-blame; it’s about recognising your agency in your own life. As Dr. Guy Winch, a licensed psychologist, explains, “Taking responsibility for your emotional health means recognising your ability to impact your well-being through the choices you make and the actions you take”.

Small Steps, Big Changes

I also started setting small, achievable goals for myself. I began journaling regularly to reflect on my feelings, something I’d always avoided out of fear of confronting my emotions. Writing helped me identify triggers and patterns, which gave me a sense of clarity. My brain felt less fuzzy and overwhelmed. I committed to a routine that prioritised my mental health: exercise, better sleep habits, and even learning to say “no” when I felt overwhelmed. These changes didn’t happen overnight, but they added up over time.

Science supports the importance of these habits. According to Dr. Sue Varma, a clinical assistant professor of psychiatry at NYU Langone Medical Center, “Engaging in self-care practices like exercise and mindfulness can boost endorphins and reduce stress hormones, creating a foundation for better mental health”.

One of the most significant lessons I’ve learned is that taking responsibility is a form of self-love. It’s about saying, “I deserve to feel better, and I’m going to take steps to make that happen.” By embracing this mindset, I stopped seeing myself as a passive victim of circumstances and started recognising my strength.

Looking back, my toxic ex was a catalyst for change. The pain of that relationship forced me to confront my own role in my mental health journey. It wasn’t easy, but it was necessary. Today, I’m proud of the progress I’ve made. Taking responsibility for my depression (and anxiety) didn’t mean I could fix everything instantly, but it gave me the power to start healing. And that’s a power worth holding onto.